She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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