I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do herpes really smell.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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