I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
