Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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