Walk of Shame today included voting.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
