I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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