Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
