Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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