My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
