How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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