Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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