And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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