last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
