Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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