Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
