Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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