hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
