I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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