Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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