Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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