Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
