He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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