ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
