but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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