You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.