What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon