Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.