apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"