the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.