don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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