she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Congratulations! We have a period
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