Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
