need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
