it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
