I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
