I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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