yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
