the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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