I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A bitchslap is in order.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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