tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
