you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
