Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
