I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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