i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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