operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
