"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
