life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.