How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!