there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The Olympian is in my bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.