Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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  (845): Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian. http://tfl.nu/smlz
  Replies (24) Good night (2818) Bad night (1076)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

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  (778): yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet... http://tfl.nu/488j
  Replies (29) Good night (3485) Bad night (1635)
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  (716): View more from New York

  since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?

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  (716): since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night? http://tfl.nu/hysj
  Replies (85) Good night (1917) Bad night (7106)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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  (610): connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear http://tfl.nu/s27e
  Replies (22) Good night (3230) Bad night (880)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.

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  (417): So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/bjrk
  Replies (48) Good night (9436) Bad night (1422)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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  (704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp
  Replies (12) Good night (1362) Bad night (5415)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

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  (816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r
  Replies (12) Good night (1435) Bad night (4965)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

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  (816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44
  Replies (23) Good night (1608) Bad night (5456)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

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  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4943) Bad night (1739)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.

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  (907): You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield. http://tfl.nu/kh6y
  Replies (7) Good night (2113) Bad night (1238)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?

  (817): View more from Texas

  Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.

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  (315): Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole? (817): Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that. http://tfl.nu/wqpn
  Replies (1) Good night (1969) Bad night (845)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.

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  (715): Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure. http://tfl.nu/2y1s
  Replies (5) Good night (2220) Bad night (612)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.

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  (336): He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear. http://tfl.nu/c1b0
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (572)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

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  (269): He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. http://tfl.nu/cm4y
  Replies (7) Good night (970) Bad night (384)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird

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  (816): Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird http://tfl.nu/90pn
  Replies (3) Good night (558) Bad night (194)

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