Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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  (201): you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time. http://tfl.nu/39ft
  Replies (28) Good night (1897) Bad night (3090)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

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  (816): I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight. (417): I'm going for alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/l0is
  Replies (21) Good night (6036) Bad night (949)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and who said we didn't have goals?

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  (219): my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus (317): and who said we didn't have goals? http://tfl.nu/piod
  Replies (12) Good night (3965) Bad night (872)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

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  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10480) Bad night (4225)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like

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  (781): I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like http://tfl.nu/tc65
  Replies (6) Good night (3284) Bad night (900)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

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  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3715) Bad night (2385)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.

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  (352): My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible. http://tfl.nu/infy
  Replies (8) Good night (3529) Bad night (806)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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  (239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes. http://tfl.nu/tunx
  Replies (5) Good night (793) Bad night (2872)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window

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  (+44): he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window http://tfl.nu/rkda
  Replies (10) Good night (2981) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.

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  (509): Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away. http://tfl.nu/1jys
  Replies (6) Good night (2197) Bad night (808)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.

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  (702): See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first. http://tfl.nu/1rv0
  Replies (9) Good night (1619) Bad night (653)
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  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

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  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
  Replies (8) Good night (2712) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sex on roller skates

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Floating mattress

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tie

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  (301): Sex on roller skates (202): Floating mattress (301): Tie http://tfl.nu/1xsm
  Replies (7) Good night (1766) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.

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  (573): She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home. http://tfl.nu/u8ri
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (140)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think weed is turning my hair brown

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  (216): I think weed is turning my hair brown http://tfl.nu/5mok
  Replies (6) Good night (204) Bad night (283)

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