You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.