I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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