Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
