So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
