This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
