I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
