I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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