It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
