What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.