Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.