you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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