So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."