Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name