peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.