make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle