So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger