WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
