Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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