I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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