I feel like abortions should bother me more
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
