you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it because I queefed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
