Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
