my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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