she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
