I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
